Seeking what?

Hello all,

It has been a time since I last wrote here. The demands of school seems to have meant that I have found familiar routines.

Whether this is good or bad, or indifferent, matters little. These routines benefit for of me. However, they also reduce me. The problem for a blog like this is that it is so much of myself. It does not talk about the logistics of working abroad.

But that was never its intention.

Instead it talks now about how it wants to inspire others. It seeks to find strength and endeavour and energy despite all things that drain them from a man's spirit.

The future is uncertain; it always was. And like I say time and time again, genius is the ability to suffer uncertainty. That uncertainty can only be suffered with the example of others. That is around me. It is also in books. And now, at the age of 32, I will imbibe the thoughts and purpose of others more than before: more than the navel-gazingness of me now.

Of course, I have succeeded socially, musically and professionally. These are aids to me - not the purpose. Not the purpose.  

Teacher Seeker

And so I find myself just past 3am writing about teaching. But, of course, this blog is about as much to do with teaching as my teaching is to do with teaching. There is no way on God's sweet earth that I teach to gain kudos from people I will never even meet. From those I do meet, my aims may match theirs: my aims are not theirs.

This holiday I have found myself each day moving closer to a style of planning to which I am accustomed. I have found it difficult to sleep, and I have struggled to find myself with a desire to sleep early.

Teaching abroad saw me desire adventure and to test myself. Very easily, I have mastered the immediate world around me, and gained plaudits in the process. But are still valleys waiting to be both discovered and created. And what will I do with those?

I need to plan to the point where I am happy with how things are connected. When there are connection with the things that ultimately matter, then the things that are passing can be playful.

To make these abstractions clearer, I think of my music. Recently I have played several times with a band, most notably to a wild audience at Christmas. While some notes were missed, the spirit and sound drove the audience. Should I have given a huge amount more to the practice, the gig would have not have been a huge amount better.

And with limited time on this earth, I need to begin to decide what it is that I wish to dedicate my time to. Love appears to be the answer.