Weeding out my imagination

I am a little lonely here in Canada with my brother and his family having left for a trip elsewhere. I have read well, finishing another book today. I will begin another, aiming to finish that by tomorrow. My writing is trickling along: I need to write and publish a little wider I think.

I am ready to take on this last year of Dubai. I have changed, and not always in terms of progress. I listen to this now and flash many images of working, boredom, tears, love and ultimately discipline.

These days are very much about future actualisation.



I am weeding out my imagination.

A hand from the future planning the present: this hoiday

Morning all. It is about midday in Wolverhampton and I am sitting here in my mother’s garden making plans for the holiday. Last year I enjoyed the languorous stretch of ten weeks of holiday. In that time I read and  I gained. I created a historical framework and I flourished in literature. There is still some reflection I want to enjoy from that time; that will come soon.

I have just returned from a fairly extensive walk around the roads of home. Many buildings sit distinctly larger than almost all others I have seen. On that walk, I considered the prejudices that have held me up as much as pulled me down. And during that journey I experience a hand, mine, reaching from the future to hold me. At the same time, I ushered the younger version of me to journey alongside, telling him of the many cultural successes of music and sport and women that he will come to enjoy. I urged him to nourish the mind, for that is the source of all joy to be had, or at least its filter.

That future hand said to me that I might be travelling and reading at some point in the future if I do not find a partner; I might do so if I do find a partner with whom that spirit resounds. Reading and being – these are the things that matter. Each day for the past year I have played chess. I have won games and I have lost games. In both conditions, I have experienced competitiveness and the joy of battle. My blood flows and my mind works – the emotional state of success is somewhat incidental if failure also leads to action. Feeling righteous anger at a loss and the desire to counteract that failure is potent motivation indeed.

And as I guided the younger self, 10 years old, I saw an older self congratulating me on making it through the hardest part of my time in Dubai. This next year is a countdown, and this blog will be a good companion to see me through. I look forward to reading this blog again when I’m in other conditions and to realise that it is wisdom to foster condition for efficacy and nourishment. I am not sure those are the right terms, but they are very Western.

For these next five weeks or so I intend to walk every day. I am getting fitter than I was, although I am by no means fit enough; not at all. Rhythm and purpose need movement and energy, and I need that energy to be experienced daily. I have finally managed to walk though: it has taken me decades! The blood flowing through my muscles enhances my brain; my thought is easier, at least, to come by.

The ultimate long-term goal I am realizing is to be well-read. For a man leading literature, my reading is average at best. Currently, I am reading for 3-5 hours every day, which considering where I come from is decent indeed. Reading is also inexpensive, yet the gain is rich. For a man from a background such as I, it is something that will not likely raise me. It will, however, buoy me. And that is enough.

Key to being well-read is to write: I am publishing reviews frequently now. Goodreads is a decent enough community, although I don’t really have a community on there. I can make one though. Finishing my MA essay is key as well: I think an hour or so today should tidy up what I have done. I am proud of how I have improved in my writing and my thinking.  

Of course, the dream is to write fiction. The reality is that I need to make more sacrifices than I am doing now and to read more than I am doing now.

Underlying the rhythm of this reading and writing and walking is my desire to read and prepare for work. The work is essentially DONE. I will take my surface pro and make that my work laptop, or vice versa. I will write on my other blog my plans for a pre-reading curriculum with non-selective students. I will write, maybe, about the realities of a responsive curriculum. I know that I am not a huge fan of monolithic planning. Calendaring and planning how to do this work without risking burnout is the pragmatic lesson this place will have taught me.

Most essential to all of this is to keep socially healthy. I am to see friends old and new, speaking to many on the phone whom I don’t see.

An epic project in which I am engaged is my desire to prepare and sell my miniature collection. I love this plastic crack, a testament to a childhood of imagination. The decision of whether to sell quickly or to administrate for money is pressing on my mind. The time and difficulty to do more than box them is perhaps more than I possess. I will do my best.

And so I find myself ready to prepare for my next job and leaving Dubai. My CV is pretty great, and I am flexible in where I desire to go. I want to:

a)              Complete MA essay.

b)             Complete miniature project (or at least structure it enough).

c)              Plan for leaving Dubai.

That philosophy will be key. I want to serve and I want to stop this signposting of everything through the narrow eyes of this Midland skull.