Today I have been stirred by different provocations.
1) The replies of the administrative account from prose.
2) The emails from the concept-based people.
I sit here in a sweaty top. The hands of Grace move to stack the crockery away, a way to prepare for our shared food later. We embrace, a mutual acceptance and respect, a willingness to share the hard yet bored ways of living, not just that which makes life exciting.
I think my time is finite and I want to spend it on an ideal framing. Rather than deny and refuse the position of the character in Prose, to decry and ridicule the concept teacher, I should direct my emotion and time to something that will benefit me.
I want to research SEO.
I want to publish some teaching and debate courses.
From these ambitions I might see what opportunities lay open to me then.
I am aggravated by the Prose guy because his assumption I should impress him disempowers me. He pays money for his account but reading is free. It reminds me of the disenfranchised positions I have held throughout life.
I am aggravated by the concept teacher because her course is expensive yet flawed. I see she lives in a big house. It reminds me of my own lack of capital.
All I can do is address the challenges immediate to me now. SEO research from tomorrow. Put your energies into that.
Tuesday, 30 June 2020
Friday, 26 June 2020
My soul is too old to live only day by day
I often end my work for summer with a sense of lethargy, having perhaps worked too hard. In Manila my work is not too demanding yet still I retain my industry. I have some good free time now with next year largely planned, I my will feels strongly that I use it.
My habits now are perhaps the best I have ever practised. Each day I:
1) Read 25 minutes of fiction
2) Write fiction for 25 minutes
3) Work acdemically for 25 minutes
4) Eat fruit
5) Exercise
6) Mark 25 minutes
Each week I have aimed to socialise, and to organise shopping for food and vitality. My finances are tracked on a weekly basis. In my evenings I can still drink and game, but not to excess. Having a calm partner right now helps. She gives my days shape and meaning by fulfilling the stimulation of conversation.
For a long time before I have disliked habit as being something that boxes me in. Instead habit has become more of a bike, taking me further, and faster, than I might have done before.
I have even considered some of my ambitions. My security at work is strong, and my finances are healthy. In the past I have seen habits and structure as attacking my spirits, especially because the lived examples I witnessed (Louise etc) were rotten ones to follow. Instead my ambitions have become more immediate and local: to complete these courses and MA with my time allocated above, and then to allocate that time to writing books/courses/consultation.
Was I burnt out at the start of this year? It is hard to tell. I do not feel burnt out now. I feel more capable than ever before, despite the knocks and aches of my unkempt body. The conceptual materials I am creating enjoy a distinct focus on creativity and rigour that leads ultimately to wisdom or insight. Without that focus on wisdom or insight, what is this job for?
Every so often I revisit that metaphor that the lonely man of my youth attempts to address, of walking the middle line where either side screams freedom. That the rational self-interest of an enlightened life does not feel enough. That to rebel, even against our own self-interests, seems something hard to justify even though I am tempted to do so often.
Moderation is not simply an option. The keep the tension between the career and the art is a vital one that requires an experience of life across time. My soul is too old to live only day to day. I sensed that in my teens and twenties. As I reach my forties my life begins to map itself more righteously, of realising as useful and necessary the conformity that I embraced, or at least accepted, in Dubai. The career-success I seek does not need to be crushing. The rebellion and willfulness I desire need not be destructive. A golden mean is a lived reality that demands of me the desire to change and to enjoy Ying-Yang, not to leave things in a broken stasis.
So in these six weeks I have some free time to explore entrepreneurialism. Not to replace my work, with its comforts and guarantees, but rather to do something different for a public arena outside those which I have operated before. The golden mean and the furious wisdom of the ancients demand it.
My habits now are perhaps the best I have ever practised. Each day I:
1) Read 25 minutes of fiction
2) Write fiction for 25 minutes
3) Work acdemically for 25 minutes
4) Eat fruit
5) Exercise
6) Mark 25 minutes
Each week I have aimed to socialise, and to organise shopping for food and vitality. My finances are tracked on a weekly basis. In my evenings I can still drink and game, but not to excess. Having a calm partner right now helps. She gives my days shape and meaning by fulfilling the stimulation of conversation.
For a long time before I have disliked habit as being something that boxes me in. Instead habit has become more of a bike, taking me further, and faster, than I might have done before.
I have even considered some of my ambitions. My security at work is strong, and my finances are healthy. In the past I have seen habits and structure as attacking my spirits, especially because the lived examples I witnessed (Louise etc) were rotten ones to follow. Instead my ambitions have become more immediate and local: to complete these courses and MA with my time allocated above, and then to allocate that time to writing books/courses/consultation.
Was I burnt out at the start of this year? It is hard to tell. I do not feel burnt out now. I feel more capable than ever before, despite the knocks and aches of my unkempt body. The conceptual materials I am creating enjoy a distinct focus on creativity and rigour that leads ultimately to wisdom or insight. Without that focus on wisdom or insight, what is this job for?
Every so often I revisit that metaphor that the lonely man of my youth attempts to address, of walking the middle line where either side screams freedom. That the rational self-interest of an enlightened life does not feel enough. That to rebel, even against our own self-interests, seems something hard to justify even though I am tempted to do so often.
Moderation is not simply an option. The keep the tension between the career and the art is a vital one that requires an experience of life across time. My soul is too old to live only day to day. I sensed that in my teens and twenties. As I reach my forties my life begins to map itself more righteously, of realising as useful and necessary the conformity that I embraced, or at least accepted, in Dubai. The career-success I seek does not need to be crushing. The rebellion and willfulness I desire need not be destructive. A golden mean is a lived reality that demands of me the desire to change and to enjoy Ying-Yang, not to leave things in a broken stasis.
So in these six weeks I have some free time to explore entrepreneurialism. Not to replace my work, with its comforts and guarantees, but rather to do something different for a public arena outside those which I have operated before. The golden mean and the furious wisdom of the ancients demand it.
Ambitions
Each day now I plan for a minimum of
25 minutes of fiction writing (this has been hard today, an undue drag).
25 minutes of fiction reading (I am moving through Harry Potter at a decent pace).
25 minutes of academic work (already completed).
For work, I have:
a) 25 minutes of marking a day.
b) 25 minutes of 'admin' - that is report writing etc a day.
These can be pushed back, so I can get time in lieu or otherwise.
I do not time my musical or physical endeavours.
I think that the 25 minutes of academic work each day is ideal. That leads to each week
Three hours of fiction reading
Three hours of fiction writing
Three hours of academic work
This is doable at any point. I can catch up or otherwise with such time.
Today, though, I feel that I want to change my focus from the academic world to the economic one. It is a world I have often ignored.
_____________________
What would be an ideal life?
25 minutes of fiction writing (this has been hard today, an undue drag).
25 minutes of fiction reading (I am moving through Harry Potter at a decent pace).
25 minutes of academic work (already completed).
For work, I have:
a) 25 minutes of marking a day.
b) 25 minutes of 'admin' - that is report writing etc a day.
These can be pushed back, so I can get time in lieu or otherwise.
I do not time my musical or physical endeavours.
I think that the 25 minutes of academic work each day is ideal. That leads to each week
Three hours of fiction reading
Three hours of fiction writing
Three hours of academic work
This is doable at any point. I can catch up or otherwise with such time.
Today, though, I feel that I want to change my focus from the academic world to the economic one. It is a world I have often ignored.
_____________________
What would be an ideal life?
Thursday, 11 June 2020
Do not pretend that moving to the Middle East is a moral choice
When I was younger I felt the freedom of being an outsider.
I am not so much an outsider now with my connections to work and the favour of my boss. Because I have some things to lose, my desire to tackle which I see as immoral is challenged.
To what extent is it moral to oppose something in such a way that you risk your family and future?
I do not know an easy answer to that question.
Several people I know are leaving our context to take up roles in the Middle East.
Once a Filipino would fetch a beer from the fridge to share in warm friendship. You travel to a warm place famed for harm. Now you fetch the Filipino from the fridge after they have died from abuse. And the worst element is that your children are at risk from such an environment.
Their inheritance will increase, at the expense of what?
Let's not be naive about the benefits, nor about their cost. To be welcomed inside will question your humanity.
I am not so much an outsider now with my connections to work and the favour of my boss. Because I have some things to lose, my desire to tackle which I see as immoral is challenged.
To what extent is it moral to oppose something in such a way that you risk your family and future?
I do not know an easy answer to that question.
Several people I know are leaving our context to take up roles in the Middle East.
Once a Filipino would fetch a beer from the fridge to share in warm friendship. You travel to a warm place famed for harm. Now you fetch the Filipino from the fridge after they have died from abuse. And the worst element is that your children are at risk from such an environment.
Their inheritance will increase, at the expense of what?
Let's not be naive about the benefits, nor about their cost. To be welcomed inside will question your humanity.
Wednesday, 3 June 2020
My Reflection on my Ambitions in Lockdown
It is Wednesday after school. I have been very. Each day I am completing a pomorodo of:
1) IB reading.
2) Fiction reading.
3) Fiction writing.
4) MA reading or writing.
5) Marking.
6) Course (concept).
7) Course (Cambridge).
This is 3:30 hours each day of fairly intense intellectual work. Is this sustainable? So far I have felt so. However, I have added:
8) Writing reports.
These 4 hours of work seem to be too much when I add up my commitments elsewhere. I am also struggling to add my extra projects, such as publishing more on TQG, blended learning planning, culture club.
At the moment, I find myself working these pomodoros because I have the extra time.
Realistically, I think I want to do this:
1) Fiction Writing.
2) Fiction Reading.
3) Academic Work (writing or reading).
This 90 minutes of work is realistic.
Alongside this cerebral work, every day I am:
a) Eating fruit.
b) Exercising.
c) Taking multivitamins.
d) Taking care of my skin.
In all, I am in a very good place. However, today I am really quite tired and feel that I need to take care of my mind. Therefore I can:
a) Simply do three pomorodos a day.
b) Continue my 4 hours of pomorodos but allocate them to different times. By that I mean I can push them onto other days.
At the heart of my issues is the following: I am not focusing on the economic world of doing things. I am very focused on the academic world.
I will rest today and will continue tomorrow to reflect. I have never had a period of my time when I have been so enriched and healthy and intellectually able.
1) IB reading.
2) Fiction reading.
3) Fiction writing.
4) MA reading or writing.
5) Marking.
6) Course (concept).
7) Course (Cambridge).
This is 3:30 hours each day of fairly intense intellectual work. Is this sustainable? So far I have felt so. However, I have added:
8) Writing reports.
These 4 hours of work seem to be too much when I add up my commitments elsewhere. I am also struggling to add my extra projects, such as publishing more on TQG, blended learning planning, culture club.
At the moment, I find myself working these pomodoros because I have the extra time.
Realistically, I think I want to do this:
1) Fiction Writing.
2) Fiction Reading.
3) Academic Work (writing or reading).
This 90 minutes of work is realistic.
Alongside this cerebral work, every day I am:
a) Eating fruit.
b) Exercising.
c) Taking multivitamins.
d) Taking care of my skin.
In all, I am in a very good place. However, today I am really quite tired and feel that I need to take care of my mind. Therefore I can:
a) Simply do three pomorodos a day.
b) Continue my 4 hours of pomorodos but allocate them to different times. By that I mean I can push them onto other days.
At the heart of my issues is the following: I am not focusing on the economic world of doing things. I am very focused on the academic world.
I will rest today and will continue tomorrow to reflect. I have never had a period of my time when I have been so enriched and healthy and intellectually able.
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