After many years I am in a position that befits my mind

After many years I am in a position that befits my mind. 

I secured the job of assistant head of Teaching and Learning. What part of that should be capitalised? 

Ambitions - what is learning? 

Managing people? 

Sticking to a philosophy? 

Passion? 

Health and lifestyle? 

To be a heavy weight thinker?

There have been various reasons I have retreated from the public eye. Now, though, I feel inspired to step into it. 

I am credible. 

I will develop emotional maturity. 

My fitness levels match my mind: I am now 67.7kg, down from 81kg. That is 12.8 stone. I am now 10.6 stone. I move more easily. 

More than anything, this time last year I suffered, and I suffered unduly. Yes, I might be attracted to the dark side of things at times. But health and sacrifice and moderation are my ideal bedfellows now. 

I am lucky that Grace looks after me like she does. 

That moderation should come to me soon. 

Keep up these habits of yours. 

I want to be.

Weight is an easy indicator of fitness. 

I have dropped from 12.9 stone to 10.8 stone. That is two stone in weight. That is about 20 per cent of my bodyweight. I feel better for it. 

The good habits I had, that discipline - they are ideal. 

My interview, presentation and task went well for the assistant head of T&L. I feel blessed to be in this position, of being respected by my superiors. 

I am too busy to disdain the old guard of Dubai. We can do something better here. 

I want to be. 

Proud of my efforts yesterday

 Yesterday I felt genuinely proud of my efforts: I had a timed exercise. Because I could type and read fast, I read the task quickly and typed profuse and expert details. 

Today I will present a vision to all staff. I am confident doing so because I have practised this often. 

I am pushing a vision that DESC couldn't do. 

A busy week - What I do

There is a busy week ahead of me now. 

I am ready for it. 

To be able to practice for a presentation (and maybe some questions) and to deliver them is an appreciable thing. 

I still have today and tomorrow to practice. 

Today I have an in-tray test. I speak about time management, and feel confident doing so. 

The pressure is on others, not on me. We will see. 

To invest my emotion in those who are not supportive of my interests is a poor idea. 

Emotional Maturity

I applied for a leadership position yesterday for two reasons: 

1) It could help me find emotional maturity. It would test the limits of my self-regulation. 

2) It rewards those who are supporting me and my voice (not necessarily those closest to me here). 

I have tried to leave spaces in the day today. I hope this will help. Efficient excellence. 

The day after applying for that job I felt much calmer.

The day after applying for that job I felt much calmer.

Stabs of angst hurt me when my colleagues say or do something that feels lazy. But that is not everything. 

My modelling is interesting me. It is something that feels real and substantial. 

Yesterday I decided to work on my application and MA. I worked fairly hard until 3pm. The ease of that day should make this day a bit better. 

Self-Regulation?

Speaking to a colleague yesterday made me furious. 

I might suffer in Dubai from the crushing defeat of a non-school. But the attempt to suggest that nothing needs to be change or be improved makes me furious. 

Ambition

Manipulation

Idealism

I am better here after Dubai and Beijing. I am better placed to be focused and aware. To regulate my emotions and my voice is almost beyond me at times. 

Yesterday I had too much meat at the Korean. My measured diet is a good way to experience, of what I should do and perhaps what I shouldn't. 

Life is good at the moment, which the habits I live continuing nicely. How much do I concentrate on myself? That is a tricky thing, to see that which benefits me but not others. 

My voice is not musical today. And that is fine.