A Reflection

For about eighteen months I have sought to expunge stress from my body. 

The extraordinary skill of a colleague to teach literature to the Jordan Peterson model of 'this is life' unsettles me. As we grow older, our brains become less plastic, and we are forced to engage more with the stress that threatens to absorbs the world that lives when our eyes close.  

I am struck by how I have 'been in survival mode' since 2003. I am also struck by how I have reflected on this experience. 

With the world opening up, can I live some more pomodoros? Can I engage with 'pomodoros of stress'? 

The gaming I was doing is good to a degree, but it is too busy, demands too much time. 

It is time to walk and swim for now.  

Blogs and Writing

My blogs are coming up for renewal. 

I used to write extensively. I do not anymore. 

I suspect that I will just stop writing them. 

______________________

My blogs have finished their journey. 

Some of my blogs are coming to the end of their journey. 

Twelve years ago I started a writing journey with several blogs, 

______________________

I am tired. I think that booking time to write in a coffee shop after work is a good idea. There is the 'right time' to do things, I think. Time is nebulous, flowing unevenly over the tribulations of the day ahead.

_____________________

I am tempted to avoid or remove all 'stresses' from my life and my position. Is this wise? Ideal? Useful? Appreciated? Dangerous? 

I need more stimulus than this box.  

What happens 'without planning'?

What is dropped when I 'don't plan'? 

Exercise

Reading

Writing

These things are not things that I can do without planning. Taking into account 'human nature' when planning makes success likely. If I do not plan my fitness, my reading, my writing, these habits fall away. 

I am in a great position at the moment. A vestige of the being I was when leaving university remains, poking out from the covers of civilisation, still yearning for another type of life. 

Annoyingly to my colleagues, I speak of how my school is easy. But I am not without anxieties in my school work. If I want a life almost entirely free to do what I want to do, then my school has difficulties. 

The difficulties of my colleagues fall away sometimes, my attitude dipping beneath vital pools of character. The older lady in primary, the life coach in senior: their foibles matter not in comparison to the energy they bring. 

If I was to retire now, what would my life look like? What would I want to do more of? What would I do less of? 

I have a mere two weeks left of school. After that, I will enjoy two weeks of reflection and being at Easter. 

 

 

Talking to Joanna

To speak about: 

Family? 

Work? 

Focus? 

Body? 

Love? 

Over investing? 

______________________

I spoke about my MA, and how I overinvested. There is that chance of failure in competitive academic endeavours. All I ask is to leave with a sense of what succeeds, and what might be imprecise. That did not happen.    

______________________

We all choose what we are comfrotable with ethically... 

Do we make that more precise resource...

Do we go the extra mile and reply to students outside of office hours... 

To what extent is...

__________________

I think I need to cancel Joanna for now. 

Ten minutes before Work

Most of my diaries from ten years ago speak about work. 

I think my work represents many other things. A desire to do well, a willingness to survive in hostile environments. 

Today I find myself not yet to the point of being broken: far from it. 

I find myself arguing with a dude who asserts to a remarkable degree. 

Yesterday was vexatious a little, but that's how it goes. 

Football After Three Years

I lack the vitality I once enjoyed, my body and energy levels suffering thanks to my sedentary lifestyle. 

I need to figure out the role of games in my life. I think that when I sleep at night, my mind is often racing. Maybe seeing Elizabeth at some point is ideal. 

Maybe trying to pause, and speak slowly is ideal. 

Then I might realise that I need hobbies that encourage that reflection. 

I am not sure football is that: running is better.