I am getting happier with:
a) Leaving work for work days.Organising tasks on a Sunday is quicker now.
b) Trying to do as few tasks as possible.
I no longer need to hustle and work as intensely as I once did. It is time instead for me to speak more calmly.
Today I am fit enough for a run; this is a seismic achievement.
I would like to edit some of my life.
Every Sunday I see the number of tasks I have to complete and realise that it is 'too much'.
However, when I organise these lists, I realise that I have 11 tasks to complete that are 'high'.
I wonder if I should see another day where I might be less busy? A Thursday perhaps?
Sunday and Thursday?
I also look ay my tasks. I had 45, and now 18. Only 10 are really 'high'.
School planning; references; ToK planning - these are my three major tasks today.
I ran a 5k at 4:30 pace. I am happy with that achievement.
I have been sitting at 70.5kg all week. That is fine because it is my holiday. I expect to drop a bit next week because my lifestyle allows me to enjoy my current weight loss.
All lives at times are lived out in desperation: for most our motivations are quiet.
I read a thread on reddit about aggressive students. It reminded me of David Lister. I survived in the sense of I made it to the end of the year. It was horrendous. No-one was protected, not even the leaders who had stones thrown at them, or the middle leaders who moved on when they could.
I believe that what I did, I did for my own reasons. But I was part of an eco-system that, if not exploited me, was unable to look after me.
In that environment, I was able to move on. Quite how I made it into the new school was extraordinary: I did not have a reference, and I was in terrible shape physically and emotionally, traumatised by my situation personally and professionally. I woke up on the day and wondered if I was even meant to be in.
I was. And I did.
And now I sit with a wage far beyond what I would earn in the UK. Physically and emotionally I am protected from the kind of issues one might face in a UK school. I am motivated and inspired.
Today I slept for long, acknowledging that I cannot lose weight well if I don't. I am able to do so.
The desperation of a life lived in the UK was real - I fumbled my way out of it with grim steps of immediate motivation. Could I do so now? I guess I will, if I need to.
But for now, let's acknowledge that I really have succeeded in many of the elements that I desired. Whatever goals might have been given to me, or that I might have selected, have been achieved.
I am fortunate, and it is time I think to shift into middle age with this acknowledgment, maybe through more reading of 'internal family systems'.
"From Desperation to Fulfillment: My Journey of Resilience and Transformation"
Life can sometimes throw us into moments of desperation, where the motivations that drive us remain hidden beneath the surface.
I stumbled upon a Reddit thread discussing the challenges of dealing with aggressive students, and it triggered memories of my own experiences, particularly those of David Lister. I managed to make it through that harrowing year, but it was far from a smooth ride. No one was immune to the chaos that reigned – not even the school leaders who faced stones hurled their way, or the middle managers who moved on when they had the chance.
I believed that everything I did, I did for my own reasons. But I soon realized that I was just a cog in an educational ecosystem that, if it didn't outright exploit me, certainly couldn't protect me. In that environment, I managed to move forward. How I found my way into a new school was nothing short of extraordinary. I had no reference, and both physically and emotionally, I was in shambles, traumatized by my personal and professional circumstances. On that first day, I woke up questioning whether I even belonged there.
The answer was a resounding "yes." I not only belonged, but I thrived. Fast forward to today, and I find myself with a wage far beyond what I could have earned in the UK. I've also built a protective shield around my physical and emotional well-being, sheltering myself from the challenges that typically haunt educators in the UK. I'm motivated and inspired in ways I never thought possible.
Today, I allowed myself the luxury of an extended sleep, realizing that I couldn't effectively address my weight issues without proper rest. It was a choice I could make and an acknowledgment of the transformation I've undergone.
The desperation I once felt living in the UK was undeniably real, and I escaped it one step at a time, driven by immediate motivations. Could I do it again if I had to? Perhaps. But for now, let's take a moment to acknowledge that I've achieved many of the goals I've set for myself. I am incredibly fortunate, and I believe it's time to embrace the transition into middle age with a sense of self-awareness. Perhaps, I'll explore this path further through my readings on 'internal family systems.'
Hello all,
Reading my diaries last year, it is very apparent that I am in a better place physically and emotionally. I am ready to enjoy the week ahead.
I want to consider at some point the practicalities of over and under investmnet.
I successfully navigated last half-term with great skill and judgement.
I am now 70kg on the nose. I am still 34/34.5 inches on the waist, and that is something I want to manage next. The control of my weight and body is something I return back to regularly.
As always there exist frustrations to 'wind me up' over the course of the week ahead. ICT has been the main one this week - my frustrations really stem from interactions with ICT over the course of time. I relied upon it hugely.
When I see the ICT guy, I also see a person who accepted a job beyond his capacity. Any of us can do that; I chose not to.
I slept in my yesterday rather than venturing out. Now I feel more rested. I think that a balance of rest of action is needed. I have enjoyed a lot of action.
I have thinking about the potential title of this post, or one for my public blog. Under or Over investment?
I despise those who under invest. Over investment can be far worse though... but for whom?
