I worked hard this week and feel able to step away

Hello all, 

My partner has stepped away from the house for a weekend to visit family. In this space I consider myself fortunate. 

What do I really want to write about? Discipline? Family? 

I think writing about my craft would be interesting. Could I write some books about this? Will my fingers fly? 

I am of an age where I... want to speak to my younger self. What might I have done differently? 

1) What would I say to myself upon leaving university? What would I say about those first steps? 

2) What would I say to myself in my PGCE? 

3) What would I say to myself in St Augustine's school? As I prepared my classes. As I ground out the teaching? 

4) What would I say to myself in Beijing? In that first posting? 

5) Would would I say to myself in Dubai? 

6) What would I say to myself in Manila? In those initial years? 

7) What might I say to myself now? 

I might be able to track these times through love: what I have sought and what I have found.  

I might be able to track these times through money. 

I might be able to track these times through the reasons I could not stay. 

I might choose to track these times through fitness (or otherwise!). 

We are moving apartment soon. Perhaps that makes it time to declutter suitably. With the clutter of this place around me, it is time to declutter. 

I have the blessing of space. Use it. 

____________

I used this space to throw out many boxes. I intend to keep cleaning up tomorrow as well. For now? Rest. 

Emotions dissipated

Whatever weak word emotion is, it represents my soul. Pieces of my soul have been bartered because my role as a father and knight has been not only ill-met - that role is unrecognised. 

Today I wish to declutter. 

I also wish to reorganise my list. 

__________________

It is unrecognisably hard to decide 'what we want'. My education is limited, and I barely researched 'what I want'. Teachers are failed in the sense that they have not aimed for the highest levels of academia. But academics do not necessarily impress me either.

I watched my friend deliver training yesterday. I was not super impressed. He was OK.   

Perhaps it is time for a new writing medium?

I often begin my writing with 'for a time' because I sit down without reflection. 

I feel physically unwell from eating pizza and drinking wine last night. I made poor choices about food because 

I called my family, and found distance and busyness. 

It is difficult to sit here and reflect. 

I want to declutter, at last. I have too much stuff for too small a space. It is time for me to declutter, and find space. 

I have 85 tasks today. 

There are so many. 

_______________________

How can a person write if they cannot be with their mind? 

Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation has to be one of the hardest things for me. 

I asked the AI to give me some metaphors to explain this, and to order them: 

1. Balancing: This metaphor is often considered helpful because it emphasizes the importance of finding equilibrium and stability in managing emotions. It suggests the need to manage conflicting feelings and maintain a harmonious emotional state.

2. Navigating: This metaphor implies the need for direction, strategy, and adaptability in regulating emotions, which can be constructive and actionable.

3. Channeling: This metaphor focuses on directing emotions towards specific actions or outcomes, emphasizing the constructive use of emotional energy.

4. Moderating: Highlighting the need to control the intensity of feelings, this metaphor encourages finding a middle ground and managing emotional extremes.

5. Harnessing: This metaphor suggests using emotions as powerful energies that can be directed effectively, emphasizing the potential for constructive use of emotional energy.

6. Steering: This metaphor emphasizes guidance and adaptability in navigating through challenging emotional situations, which can be helpful in encouraging proactive emotional management.

7. Tethering: While this metaphor implies restraint and control, it may also suggest a more restrictive or negative approach to managing emotions, which might not resonate with everyone.

8. Taming: This metaphor suggests that emotions are wild or unruly and need to be controlled, which may imply a more forceful or suppressive approach to emotional regulation.

9. Wrestling: While this metaphor acknowledges the struggle involved in emotional regulation, it may also imply a battle or conflict with one's emotions, which might not be as constructive or empowering.

10. Juggling: This metaphor, while vivid, may suggest that managing emotions is about constantly multitasking and can be overwhelming, which might not offer a reassuring or empowering perspective for some people.

I spend so little time with myself. 

I do not feel a strong emotional reason to write as once I did. 

Maybe because I write on my work computer...  whenever a deeper thought may rise, I can play a game of chess or browse an article. 

Maybe I do not need to write. I have enough money and life to be easy?