A New Year: Consolidation and Winding Down?

And today I wake up almost nearer to 50 than 40. That age is significant because of my fitness levels, with my body and soul struggling to keep a suitable level of health. 

Today I type here, more aware of the greenery that sits around and beside me than ever before. I am fortunate that I can sit so close to the window, to be honest. Below people walk, mostly workers from the music event held by my aspirational condo building. My wife enjoyed it. 

What can I do this morning without some running first? My music is synced, I think it is time to run. 

Only with some running first might other elements occur after. 

  

What would I say to myself? Post University.

 I am of an age where I... want to speak to my younger self. What might I have done differently? 

1) What would I say to myself upon leaving university? What would I say about those first steps? 

2) What would I say to myself in my PGCE? 

3) What would I say to myself in St Augustine's school? As I prepared my classes. As I ground out the teaching? 

4) What would I say to myself in Beijing? In that first posting? 

5) Would would I say to myself in Dubai? 

6) What would I say to myself in Manila? In those initial years?  


Time is not experienced in a linear fashion. Past traumas bubble frequently from the swamp, while happy victories flex their spine whenever challenges call. I might be almost 44, but I feel my past echoing in the meat of my torso. 

What would I say to myself upon leaving university? What might have I done differently? Firstly, I had no money and was hugely in debt thanks to an ill-fated trip with a poor choice of travelling companion. There was no way I could live anywhere other than the poor Northern town of my university days. To have moved away required money that I did not possess. 

You took a job teaching in one of the hardest schools in the UK. Your energy and courage drove you through this horror. There was little guidance from others, with your father having abandoned the family, that fateful phonecall coming that he had disappeared, likely moving abroad with no note.

The lack of leadership in your first school dragged you down, condemning to follow the same dysfunctional youth from classroom to classroom, witnessing the hourly crimes, often violent and unfunny. That leadership is now in the UAE, advising schools on how to improve themselves. 

My first response is to deride, knowing that her standards and leadership bordered on abuse. My talents were abused, and I was dropped into a desperate environment, vulnerable, no training to help me, and my choices destroying my educational approach in weeks. 

But my ire does not settle or harden. I note that they must have been struggling tooo. This leadership was trying their best. Their naked best seemed to help them at least, to promote their career from dingy Doncaster to glam Dubai. 

You managed to find a way out; life has never seemed so hard since. 

Appreciated that.        

Less need to write

A friend of mine said that this is an age of consolidation and winding down. 

Perhaps they are right. 

I have reached a place and school that allows me various hobbies. Maybe I cut them for efficiency, recognising my finite being. 

The least stress

Hello folks, 

I hope you are doing well on this early morning. For some reason my body feels rested, the stress of past years no longer firing my nervous system. 

I see a real need to promote my personal life. It is one thing to be this rested and happy with the level of work I am doing; it is another thing to make my personal life the emotional core of what I do. 

If I expect my partner to be themselves outside a corporate job, I should do the same. 

Read. Cafe. Watch cultural events.

Do these things. 

A new year with a little bug

Like the Queen's many birthdays I enjoy multiple new years as a teacher. 

I have made it, clocked this game. It is time to quietly quit. 

Exam results have been superb and I have proven to myself what I wanted to prove.

Play a wasteful game now - enjoy that imagination. 

More to come later. 

A holiday, and a start without the barriers

It is 4am and I am ready to walk on a new day. 

In 36 hours I will be travelling back to the UK, ready for the usual emotional showdowns, largely with myself. 

I worked hard for three months, perhaps four, to put in place systems that make life easier for me and others next year. 

Bingo barrier has now finished. 

The cosplaying chav has taken the circus to another kingdom. 

I am ready to step off that sand filled plane, command the legions of my mind, and feel the thighs strengthen with trust. 

The Last Week of the 17th Year

Yesterday during our academic awards I spoke with our departing students. Much emotional energy has been given - perhaps lost? - in the nurturing of those students. 

The pause now is problematic. I am used to burning with righteous intensity. 

Listening and reading is the plan now. 

Write, my son.